Experience suggests that I don’t carry the gene for addition: I can chain drink coffee for weeks, then stop, and not have caffeine cravings; I was a serious binge-drinker in uni, having 6 or 7 pints or more 5 or 6 nights a week, but I’ve never felt any desire to start the day off with a bloody mary; I was a social smoker for several years, but only once in my life have I ever desired a cigarette when I was sober and that was the day of my PhD viva (probably the most stressful day of my life so far) - I didn’t have one.
I’ve always thought that if I was prone to any addition it would almost certainly be gambling. I enjoy a flutter. I even have an online gambling account. I’ve never uploaded more than £10 though - I’ve always told myself this was because I couldn’t trust myself not to blow the lot, although in practice I never have and feel guilty if I lose a fiver.
I’ve just watched Louis Theroux on Las Vegas and high rollers. All this time I’ve been wrong - I could never get addicted to gambling. I think that my understanding that the stakes are stacked firmly in the house’s favour is far too strong. I can’t help but shake my head in disbelief and wonder what’s wrong with these people? Can hope really be that destructive?
And now it hits me - I AM an addict. It’s just that I’m the type of addict that’s completely socially acceptable, even encouraged. I’m a WORKAHOLIC. I’m pathologically hopeful that if I work hard enough and long enough this will be recognised by my employer and I’ll be rewarded with riches beyond my wildest dreams (well a bit of a promotion). After all, someone’s gotta earn the big bucks - why not me? However, all that’s really happening is that my employers are rubbing their hands together with glee thinking ‘glory be, another hardworking little sucker’. I’m a bloody idiot - but I just can’t seem to stop.
So I ask you - can you get counselling for this kind of thing? Is there a workaholics anonymous?