Gingerjo’s Blog

I had a fairly drastic haircut on Tuesday - I had about 4 inches cut off and I now have a bob that comes in just below my ears. I can’t say I was particularly happy when I first looked in the mirror - I wasn’t sure if it was me. But now I’ve got used to it, and I even seem to be able to get the ends to curl under like they’re supposed to, I rather like it. It’s wierd though - I’m not used to moussing and styling it every morning but it’s so short it’s not really taking any longer to dry than it did before. And some folk say it makes me look younger which is what every girl in her 30s wants to hear!

A most unexpected and delightful thing happened yesterday. It’s my birthday soon and for the first time in my life a fella (other than my dad) took me out shopping. I really didn’t know what to do - it was so unprescedented! After a great deal of deliberation I decided to choose the Heroes season 1 boxset and a small bottle of exotic booze from Selfridges. I’d never seen Heroes, but everyone’s been saying for ages that it’s just my sort of show. Now I’m completely hooked and Mark is resigned to the fact that he won’t be able to watch any TV at all this week because I’ll be hogging it. He’s such a sweetheart!

Well I’ve spent the past week wanting to apply for jobs but failing miserably. There have been two jobs in the past couple of weeks that I should have really applied for, but when it came down to it my heart wasn’t in it. I even spent most of this evening frantically typing away, but when I really read the job description, not just the bits I liked the sound of, the job didn’t really sound any better than the job I’ve already got. They want the world. That’s not a problem, I can give them the world. But they always want your soul too, and I ain’t givin’ that up!

Along with all that studying - why am I making life hard for myself? I should be enjoying my evenings doing things that give me pleasure - not worrying about the next rung on the ladder. Society seems to insist I should be ambitious - but is that for my benefit or someone else’s? I’m a fool - I should be making hay while the sun is shining. I should leave the rest for a rainy day.

What’s bothering me though is that I don’t know why I’m suffering from job paralysis - is it just laziness or a lack of confidence, or is it that I’m really meant to stay exactly where I am for now? I wish I knew.

The problem with my studying marketing is while it is all well and good and worthy and even interesting it really gets in the way of my studying those things I’m really curious about, just for hobbies sake.

What I really want to do is a range of the OU’s 10 credit courses - a bit of archaeology, a bit of planetary science and bit of earth science. Instead I’m stuck on a treadmill feeling forced and pressured into learning about marketing.

Then there’s all the other CPD stuff I’m ultimately going to need - managing finance and budgets, managing staff - if I ever make it into management which seems very unlikely at the moment.

One of the other CIM students said something heartening to me today though - he said ‘yeah but just think about the extra salary we’ll get when we’ve finished this diploma and get new jobs on the strength of it!’. He genuinely believed that it was worth it, that it would make a difference to our employability. From experience at my place of work this isn’t true, they encourage you to do the qualification and then ignore any advice you give them based on your new knowledge, so I guess I’d lost sight of the fact that the Professional Diploma in Marketing might be of real value - might actually be worth all the effort. It’s a nice thought that I’m doing it for a reason, and not just because it seemed like a good idea at the time.

I’m feeling good and relieved now. It’s over (till the winter). I took the CIM Marketing Planning exam today.

Over the past couple of months I’ve supposed to have been studying most evenings, but I just haven’t had the willpower or energy. I was signed up for three exams with the intention of choosing my best two to actually sit, but once again time ran away from me and I decided to concentrate on just studying for one.

So last week I frantically studied and desperately tried to remember everything about marketing planning. I was struggling with some of the concepts because the CIM recommended study text is so badly written, so I borrowed some text books from the library and used those. Much better, but it can be hard to know how much detail is enough. Anyway after cramming madly for a week and being an absolute cow to poor Mark who was on half-term break I found myself so worked up I was almost in tears all the time. I didn’t used to be like this - exams never used to stress me out. Then I went into rebellion mode and could barely even look at the books. I was paralysed - I couldn’t study but then I couldn’t do anything else either without feeling extremely guilty. At least I could sleep though.

Anyway, after a couple of days of standing back and hoping that my memory had absorbed enough I forced myself to go to the exam this morning (I was all for chickening out but that’s the coward’s way out). And, actually it wasn’t too bad. I can’t think what all the fuss was about. Ridiculous really, all that stress and for what - it was just an exam.

I messed up really badly on the timing of the questions and overran by half an hour on the first question, still took 45 mins for the second question which left me about 5 mins for the last question (automatically losing myself 25/100 marks) so the chances of me getting 50% overall are fairly remote. The answers I wrote were pretty good but certainly not exceptional. So I expect to be resitting the exam in December but I’m certainly not ashamed or embarrassed - I did my best, and that’s all I can ask of myself. And you never know the examiners might be feeling generous.

I’m just so glad to be free of it for a while. I can watch TV, do the washing up, go shopping, see a movie without feeling guilty. Ah freedom!!! Not being a student is so under-rated.