Gingerjo’s Blog

After some deliiberation this morning we decided not to tour the Wadworth Brewery in Devizes as we struggled to see what it could possibly offer that was worth ten pound each. We decided to visit Cheddar Gorge instead even though it was quite a long drive and not in any way on the road to Bath.

It was a pleasant drive through some beautiful countryside and the gorge itself is spectacular. There’s a small ‘theme park’ at the base of the gorge based around their show caves. We easily spent the whole day there looking around the caves, the museum, and the cheese, wine, cider, fudge and gift shops. We also had a snack in Poppy’s Tiny Tea Shop and they’re not lying - it is titchy but very pleasant. On the whole the gorge attractions were worth the sixteen pound admission fee, although the crystal cave is cheesy if you’re feeling generous or just plain rubbish if you’re not.

We drove to Bath after dark relying on the satnav. Worryingly Jane doesn’t seem to know her left from her right and she kept trying to persuade us to turn down roads that didn’t exist. At least Mark had someone else’s directions to complain about for a change. Parking at the Travelodge was challenging but the location is good - next to the river and only a few hundred yards of the city centre.

After a short mooch we found a fantastic Nepalese restaurant called Yak Yeti Yak. I’d never eaten Nepalese before but I’d thoroughly recommend it.

We visited Avebury again today. It really is a fantastic place. Once again we were blessed with lovely weather and fairly low numbers of other visitors.

They were giving guided tours of the stone circles and the manor so we went on both. We’d arrived too late to see the house last time, but it seems this was just as well. When there was a tenant living there you could hardly see any of the rooms, but now they’ve moved out you get to see lots of rooms. It’s not what I expected. It’s much older and more higgledy piggledy.

According to the circle tour guide a lot of the stones were broken up in the seventeenth century to build the village, but many of the other missing stones were buried in the 1300s because they offended the church. Seems like thet did us a favour for a change - otherwise the village would probably be bigger. In the 1930s an amateur archaeologist set about reinstating the stones and they even found a mediaeval skeleton under one of them. Look like they were crushed when pulling them down.

We then had a pint in a lovely thatched pub just outside Avebury on the road to Silbury Hill, before heading back to Devizes.

In the evening we had a nice meal in The Crown, a Wadwoth pub just a few yards from the brewery. We’re planning a tour of the brewery in the morning.

Having bought a new mobile to kill the time while driving down to Wiltshire I thought I’d see if my phone can blog. It seems successful so far.

Anyway, Mark and I are heading off to Devizes in Wiltshhire for a couple of days. Then we’ve got another couple of nights booked in Bath. When we visited Wiltshire in 2006 we didn’t have long enough to see everything we were interested in. We always said we’d visit again but this is the first chance we’ve had.

We really need this break too. It’s been a hell of a year. After all the preparations for the wedding, flying out to Vegas, working like a woman possessed over the summer, this is the first real chance I’ve had to catch my breath. I’m really looking forward to a few stress-free days before the slog begins again.

We don’t really have any plans for our trip. I guess we’ll collect some leaflets and perhaps pop in the Tourist Info in the morning. There’s a brewery though so that’s Mark sorted!

It came as a surprise after months of my pestering, but last Saturday, Mark and I went and bought his suit for our wedding.

Since I was going into Bolton for an appointment he came with me and went to Slaters Menswear. What a great shop! We told them what we were looking for, they sized Mark up and gave him 4 suits to try on. We liked suit number 3 - a navy blue pinstripe by Ted Baker.

As it happens the suit fits perfectly, but since Mark’s doing a lot of running if he loses weight in the next couple of months we can take it back and get it altered for free. In fact, you get free alterations for the lifetime of the garment!! How great is that? It’s such as shame there’s nowhere similar for women.

I haven’t tried Mr McKenna’s techniques yet, but to be honest I gave up on self-loathing a few months ago and have achieved a state of self-indifference, which is greatly preferable. I’m still working on self-love, but I don’t expect miracles.

I’ve not been criticising myself in the mirror all that much of late. Sometimes I look and think ‘Oh God, is that bulge still there?’ or ‘Urggh, look at that horrible whitehead, that’s going to take days to heal’, or ‘I hate it when my hair goes frizzy like that’.

I’ve taken to ignoring my internal critic because of an epiphany I had recently. While watching a not particularly attractive guy admiring himself in a shop window it struck me that the main difference between men and women is what they see when they look in the mirror.

When most women look in the mirror all they see are their faults, the imperfections that deviate from the ideal we’re sold by advertising. We then dwell on these percieved imperfections and feel rubbish about ourselves. Whether these imperfections or real or imaginary is irrelevant.

Conversely, when most men look in the mirror they see Steve MacQueen staring back at them. Whether they are good looking or not is irrelevant.

Hence men generally feel good about themselves, are less critical of themselves and other people, more upbeat and often more fun to be around. There’s a lot of advantages to having a Y chromosome and I can’t help feeling that this is possibly the most important one.

Perhaps Paul’s techniques can help me see a babe whenever I catch my reflection in a shop window. Failing that I’m happy with being released from my state of negative self-obsession - which is what self-loathing is. When you boil it down self-loathing stems from the arrogant belief that everyone else in the world has nothing more important on their minds than whether you have a fat arse or a zit on your chin.

Well, it was the last Paul McKenna I Can Make You Thin show tonight. It was a bit of a whirlwind really so I’m not sure I remember it all. Hence I’m going to write it down to see if I can get it straight in my head.

Basically a lot of us beat ourselves up everyday, criticising ourselves which lowers our self-esteem. Some of us then comfort eat and then feel guilty, and of course get fatter, which means we criticise ourselves even more. We find ourselves trapped in a nasty cycle unable to break free.

Paul had a series of mental activities to help us overcome our self-loathing.

Firstly imagine yourself looking at yourself in the mirror. What do you normally say to yourself? ‘God you’re fat’, ‘Look at all those lumpy bits’, etc. Next imagine taking your internal voice outside your body somewhere in front of you. Have it say those things to you again but in a really silly voice. This makes the comments you beat yourself up with seem ridiculous.

Next reach your arm out in front of you (any arm) palm up. Concentrate on the aspects of yourself that you don’t like and imagine all that negative feeling traveling through your body into an imaginary ball on your outstretched hand. Fill that ball up with all your unpleasant feelings and criticisms - what colour is it, visualise it. Then throw the ball away and wipe your hands of it.

Next imagine someone who loves you, who respects you and values you, standing in front of you. Imagine leaving your own body and floating into them. Take a look at yourself through their eyes - what do you see? They don’t see you how you see yourself - they see lots of good points. Feel the love and respect that they have for you. See those good points that you’re constantly ignoring about yourself. You start to feel good about yourself.

Next stand in front of a large miror and imagine someone iconic, someone you think is beautiful or handsome standing in front of you. Again imagine you float from your body into theirs. Pretend their body is your body. How would you feel if that was your body? You’d be gorgeous. Imagine how they must feel looking at themselves in the mirror (or how you would feel looking at yourself inside their body, because in reality they probably have as many hang-ups about their physical appearance as you do!). Carry yourself as they would carry themselves. You’re a star baby, yeah! When you are feeling really good about yourself open your eyes and look at yourself in the mirror.

Hopefully you look much more attractive to yourself. See you’re not such a bad old stick after all are you?

I’m sure there was another thing you had to do as well, but I can’t remember what it was.

So last night Paul McKenna was telling us how to get motivated. Basically you extend the technique used to beat cravings.

He reckons the reason why a lot of people hate exercise is because of unpleasant experiences in the past - maybe in school. Then when you start to put on weight you occasionally try to get fit and go at it too hard, perhaps even injuring yourself. This reinforces the negative associations you have with exercise making the problem worse. He points out that getting fit doesn’t have to start with a 2 hour gym session every day. It can start with an extra 5 minute walk, parking further from the supermarket, walking to the corner shop, marching on the spot during TV ad breaks. You build it up slowly and let your body get fit over time. Don’t hammer yourself.

To help with motivation, you imagine a time you felt really good and press your RIGHT thumb and middlefinger together. Keep imagining and pressing and add in the memory of a time you felt really motivated or just imagine feeling really motivated - you feel good. When you’re imagining you’re feeling really good and really motivated then add in the idea of walking an extra few steps, running up the stairs and how good you’ll feel for having done this. All the time you keep that right thumb and middle finger firmly pressed together. then next time you want to boost your motivation you press your right thumb and middle finger together and bam, off you go.

I guess eventually the plan is that you get a craving for chocolate or crisps and end up going for a walk instead.

Of course the problem is I have a rather poor imagination so I’m failing to build up the pictures in my mind. But of course trying to do it while you’re watching the telly is rather distracting too, so maybe I need to try it when I can get some peace and quiet. I perhaps I should just skip the imagining, wait till I am actually feeling really good and motivated and then give it a try.

Since I can’t do anything about world affairs I’m rarely moved to comment on them, but I have to tell everyone how disgusted I am with Isreal’s actions in Gaza this last week. Of all the nations in the world Isreal should know better than commit crimes against humanity. Their treatment of Palestinian civilians in this war is appaling and whoever is in command should be tried for war crimes.

Rather than destroy Hammas can’t they see all they are doing is creating the psychological environment for the next generation to develop? Hammas will come back stronger afterwards - their ranks swelled by the young people who have been left bitter and twisted by this war. I understand the need to defend Isreali territory, but bombing the shit out of everyone in Gaza is not going to solve the problem.

Although, I don’t know what will solve the problem. Perhaps it can longer be solved.

I’ve been feeling a bit down all week thinking about all the weight I’ve put on over Christmas. But I really oughtn’t to be so hard on myself. Even with that, as of today I’ve still lost over 30lb!! That’s a lot - I should be proud of myself and use that to motivate myself to keep going.

Mark and I will be in the chapel actually getting married!

It’s gonna be fab …